Best. Mascara. Ever.

Ok, seriously. Best stuff ever. I hate buying the crap - I think it's the cheap in me, but this stuff rocks! :)

I was in total denial. I have absolutely no time to post pictures or anything until vacation, after Christmas before NYE. I promise.

weekend mad house

I had really good intentions this weekend to get some stuff done. And I did, but of course not as much as I had intended. Oops!

We did:
- get the tree up
- Christmas baking (2 batches of fudge, nuts n bolts, gingerbread cookies, and butterscotch confetti squares)
- Clean up the house
- Laundry

I cooked a breakfast and a supper and so did R. It was freakin' fantastic! I love having someone else help with the cooking and cleaning.

I had a mini almost meltdown over the state of the remaining boxes, but R calmed me down, I got over it. I just hate that Christmas is 2 weeks away, the house is not quite ready, I'm out of town for work Wed and Thurs this week and Friday evening we are headed to my mom's for an early Christmas with her. Eek! Then back home, out of town for work on Wed again, and on Friday headed away for Christmas to my sisters.

There is no time!!!

I swear I'm trying to get some pictures but I only have the before's as the after's are not ready just yet. Although we did hit up this major liquidation center on Saturday and purchased a rockin' rug for the livingroom! I love hardwood/laminate but area rugs are a necessity. chiquita (my dog) agrees...as she is always rolling around on it, too funny.

Happy Monday!

ya right

It was extremely optimistic of me to think I'd have the house unpacked and settled so soon, much more to be able to post pics on here! lol. So that is still waiting. I've been pushing it at work all day, new job and all and pushing it at night trying to unpack and organize and make it feel like home. I'm almost there. And I'm beat.

The officer/storage room is almost set up, however, the desk and office chair are stacked with "stuff". I'm hoping this weekend...

The move

...went well. As well as can be expected. A little hiccup but it's done. I'm still buried in boxes and the new job is swamped.

I'm going to try to post tonight....with pictures! lol.

Last day

Here it is. Finally. Well sort of my last day.

I have to come back twice in December to play catch up. They were supposed to be one day each but I think Dec. 15th will be 2 days. Funny how for months I've been sitting here bored to tears and now that I'm leaving, I'm waaaaaayyyyy behind. Meh, oh well. I'll bust my butt today and see what I can come up with.

So I managed to get the freezer divided last night (there are 2, both less than half full), packed the computer, dvd player, and most of the other minor stuff. I can't believe it's here already on one hand and on the other I'm so happy it's finally here!

Last night was probably the last time I'll see C for awhile. I'm ok with it. I just want the move part over. I woke up to light snow, hoar frost, light mist, fog and slippery highways. Great. Perfect weather to drive 2 hours tonight, unload my SUV, turn around and drive 2 hours back at 6am tomorrow to load up a uhaul and drive back to move. *sigh*

Either way, better get at it.

whew and a lot of babbling...

I'm tired today. I'm tired everyday. I think the stress of this situation is getting me down. I CANNOT wait for this to be over with. C and I have been getting along pretty well, so that's good. No arguments yesterday. Thankfully. I went a bought a new Wii to replace the one he's keeping and a new one for me to take. He paid for it. Then we split the savings account. Right down the middle. We will both be ok.

I have enough to pay off my student loan (FINALLY!!!) and a bit left over to keep for savings. I'm thrilled to be able to do that. I like having a nice balance in my account so it would be great to keep it, lol, but my inner accountant tells me to pay off the bills. I need to still pay rent, for the uhaul and gas and stuff for December so it'll go down a bit, but at least I finally feel like I'm making a (small) rebound.

I packed up the pantry last night. Why is it that I keep thinking I only have a few small things left, but when I actually get around to packing them, it takes freakin' forever?! Sheesh.

So tonight I have a haircut (hello stupid flatiron. My bangs do not agree with coloring and flatironing - they keep breaking, ugh!), then sort the freezer into his and hers, pack the computer, the kitchen radio and it should be fully done. Well and packing up my SUV so the stuff going with me Friday after work for trip #2 is ready to go.

I wish I could say that December was going to be an easy, low key month. It's not lol.

December 4th move.
December 6th start new job.
December 15th back to this job for the day to help fill in/catch up since there is no one hired yet, this includes a 150km drive each way.
December 17th drive 250kms one way to see my mom for the weekend for an early Christmas.
December 22nd, back to the old job to fill in once again.
December 24th, drive 350km to spend 3 days with my dad's family for actual Christmas.
December 27th drive back.
January 4th - 7th, spend the week here at old job training new hire.

I am off from December 24th to January 2nd, but eek!!!!

So a good friend of mine that I work with is going through a similar situation as myself. Hers is much worse as her ex is suicidal. I'm not sure if he is actually or is just acting out for attention. either way his parents are involved, as are hers. She wants to see him, to try to help him, but so far he's physically restricted her, twice that I know of.

She barely holding it together, trying to move and whatnot, but the part that concerns me even worse is that she is drinking. A lot. Socially with others, but getting drunk on average 3-4 times per week. I try to talk to her, to be there, but I'm not sure what to say. And to be honest, I dont have a lot left in me to give right now. I wish I could help her.

so close

It's almost here!

Moving day that is. The day I say goodbye to my first home, my first house, my soon to be ex-husband and my small town life. I'm excited, but apprehensive. I want this, but even more, I just want the move over with. I hate moving.

I packed up most of the rest of the odds and ends last night. The only things I have left: the computer, the kitchen radio, the dvd player, the pantry, the freezer. Boo.

Oh ya, I also need to: remove my name on the house insurance, split the vehicle insurance and open new policies for both C and myself. Help him transfer the bills for direct payment from the bank account. Go to the bank tonight and split the savings account in half, then go to my new bank and deposit it. Fax in the mortgage papers this morning so the transfer application is in process. Fill out and fax in the internet papers to transfer the name on the account.

I'm sure there are a few hundred other small details I'm not remembering, but wth, it'll work out. I'm attempting to not stress about it. I'm not 100% successful.

Did I mention I wanted this over and done with?

Friday has landed...Finally!

I'm so glad this day is finally here. It feels like this week has dragged on and on and on. Training a slacker with a poor attitude, poor work ethic and someone that is in wayyyy over her head makes for a long week. It was a blessing in disguise that she quit.

I was on my way to catching up when my CAT log in crashed on me yesterday afternoon. And of course, I need it ASAP this morning. Crap.

Tomorrow is my work Christmas party. I'm excited, fun-money casino, good dinner and a good date! :)

My SUV is loaded up more than it was yesterday, the back is can't-see-out-the-windows full and the passenger seat is loaded now too. I'm stoked!

On my way...soon!

The moving to-do list is almost finished!

I'm more than half packed, the transfer approved, I've done some training, the new lease will be signed this weekend. I'm working on the mortgage transfer and the rest of the packing. Moving in one week. I'm headed to Calgary tomorrow after work for a Christmas party on Saturday night so my SUV is stuffed Tetris-style up the roof, every corner with boxes. Might as well take advantage of the trip. And the fact that the more I move now, the less I have to move next week. Ugh. Did I mention how much I despise moving. Especially since it's been brutally cold here lately.....uh as in minus-freaking-forty-five degrees with the wildchill!!!!!!!!! Either way I'm super happy, super excited and it's happening soon! Wooooooo Hoooooo!!! :)

I was training a replacement for me here, but it wasn't working out. We were going to let her go this morning, but she emailed my boss (on holidays no less) and said she wouldn't be in today. Ah well. A waste of a full week for me, but at least I can catch up now.

A quick update

The funeral went well - as well as a funeral can go. I miss him.

I got back to work on Tuesday morning, TRANSFER APPROVED!!! I signed the new job offer, training the week of November 8 - 12th. Start date December 6th. Holy crap!

I've been gathering boxes, trying to get rid of crap I don't need, organize.

I haven't told C yet. I'm a bit concerned of what he'll do while I'm away for a week. I'll tell him next week when I get home.

I'm really excited, but scared too. I'll find out about housing today, I hope. There is so much to do!

Stick a fork in me...I'm done

Wowza what a day!

Was freakin' tired this am. Got very little sleep. Got up at 5:45am, went to my course, it was informative, but the first session had me running for the coffee that I rarely drink, just to stay awake. Yikes.

Then I got a text from my mom, saying she was sorry to tell me this but my Grandfather went into congestive heart failure this morning and they weren't sure he was going to last the day. And a voicemail from my friend at head office, saying I'd better get my butt to the GM's office today and ask for that transfer. I called the GM, asked for a meeting after my courses, called my mom, papa was ok for now. Went back to the course.

Got through the course, went to my meeting - got approved for the transfer! Final details on Monday.

Headed for mom's house, another 2 hours away - in the wrong direction from my house and got the call on the way...papa passed away.

I'm wiped. Sad. Tired.

The news on the transfer is more in-depth, but today it just doesn't seem right to celebrate, so I'm going to go have a glass of wine with my mom and sister and details will follow probably tomorow.

To do list...

To do list:

Talk to R about moving in – check
Talk to my boss about transfer – check
Talk to the GM about transfer – tomorrow!
Talk to R’s landlords about me and Chiquita moving in –
Check commute distance to work from R’s house – check – it’s super close! Yay!
Start packing – check
Sweet talk shipper/receiver at work to save me boxes – check
Send in mortgage transfer application – started
Get approved for transfer –
Tell C –
Move –
Start new job –

Ok the unchecked list is longer, but the checked off list is getting longer by the day! I’m having a great day. I’m off in less than an hour and even though I’m going to get to R’s house after he’s gone to work for the night and he’ll get home at 2am and I have to get up at 5:45am for work, I’m still super excited to see him. Lol. I think I’ll be tired tomorrow. Stupid course.

I get to sit in on seminars like ‘product and issues update’, ‘warranty systems update’ and ‘audit update’. EXCITING! Haha, just kidding. Hopefully it won’t be info I’ll need if I get the transfer.

Changes

Huge life changes are taking place. Again.

I'm putting in for a transfer, which would (if I got it) move me to a new city, a new position (within same company), new home and new person to live with.

I'm excited, scared, nervous!

Keep your fingers crossed and wish me luck. Details to come when things are for sure!

Lending Money

I’ve never really been one that likes to lend money. To friends or family.

A friend once told me she never lends money that she can’t afford to just give and not expect back. I really just try to not lend it out in any form. I hate asking for it back. I don’t like to lend someone money because generally right after you do they avoid you. And if they owe you money and you see them buying something, of course most people are like, hu? How can you buy [insert unnecessary object here], but you can’t pay me back?

I’m on an Oprah kick right now. I’ve been watching the 20th anniversary DVD collection lately. She said she doesn’t lend money. Ever. She just gives it away if she feels they need it. Since I can’t really adopt that mantra, I just try to avoid lending.

Which leads me to a situation I’ve landed in, although I really tried not too. Ugh. I purchased a few things for my mom that she asked me too. No big deal. I don’t mind and mom is great about paying me or trading for stuff. She owes me some money, which turned out to be the same amount my sister owes her. Since we are all going to be together this weekend for Thanksgiving, she said my sister could just pay me what she owes my mom and it would work out. Which it would. If my sister had the money to pay me. But now she doesn’t.
Her husband had a botched vasectomy that ended with him with an infection and off work for the last month. He is on short-term disability. I understand that money is tight for them. But I put things on my MasterCard for my mom, based that I would get paid this weekend. Now, my mom is out the money my sister owes her and I don’t feel right asking her to give me the money she owes me. She’s my mom! And she’d be out the amount double. So, what do I do? I don’t want to push my sister for the money or my mom for that matter. Financially I’m probably better off than they both are. However, why is it my responsibility to fund their issues? I don’t know what to do.

Today is going to be great!

Today I'm going to have a good day. A positive outlook on this day.

Generally I'm a positive person. I'm very type A. I'm an optimist.

I repeat, today is going to be a good day!

I'm just wrapping up some left over things at work. I don't have a ton of work to do before I go on vacation, but I like to clean things up so I don't come back to a mess. Although, when I'm away people seem to like to stack files on my desk.

Today I'm grateful for:

1. A quiet evening last night with no arguments.
2. A good nights sleep, I think I only woke up once or twice last night!
3. The sun is out! 2 days in a row, the sun is out and it's (kind of) warm....I love fall, the leaves, the smells, the warm colors, usually the great weather (except for the insane amount of rain we've had...my yard is actually growing mushrooms it's so wet!)

Lying

Why do people keep lying when you both know they are lying? Some stuff I get. I understand secrecy. I understand lying for a cause, although I prefer not too. What I don’t get is lying for no reason and then even once you’ve been proved to be lying, to keep the lie going. And argue and argue and argue over it. Why not just admit defeat?

C showed up last night. He was supposed to be working. He called me at 6:30pm last night and told me he was headed to a job. I knew he was on his way home. I could tell by what he said and how evasive he was. He wouldn’t tell me, answer his phone or texts after that. He text me at 8pm. Then showed up at the house at 10pm. He swore he slept the full 3 hour drive home and didn’t wake up until it was too late to let me know he was coming home. I asked how he could be sleeping the whole drive and not tell me he was coming home, but then could text me at 8pm, at which point he was almost half way back. He swears he didn’t know at 8 that he was coming home because he wasn’t driving. Look buddy, we both know you are lying, so why keep going with it? So that turned into a huge argument. Then he was mad that I had started packing. I’m tired today.

It’s harder today to find gratitude:

1. I’m thankful for my dog, who makes me smile every morning when she is always so excited to see me.

2. I’m thankful for my sister, and our relationship.

3. I’m thankful for my Step-mother, who I don’t always see eye to eye with on many things, but will someday be the person I go to for advice when it comes to step-children. We had a good chat on the phone this morning.

4. I’m thankful that I have my own office and on days like today, I can just close the door and work in peace.

5. I’m thankful that there are only 4 more work days until I’m on vacation for 9 days :)

A little of this...

I really wanted this week to be a good one. I have this week and then I’m off all of next week. I’m going to see R, my mom, my sister and her kids and R again. Plus a good friend while I’m in BC. I’m super excited about that.

I have a ton of things to do this week to get ready to leave. I’m getting my nails done Wednesday after work (ya, ya I know, gel nails, but seriously, in the hour it takes every 3 weeks I swear it takes less time and they look great! It’s my only girly indulgence, give me a break lol). Thursday I have to get my SUV serviced and checked out. Plus laundry, packing and organizing. I have a ton of stuff to bring with me.

I’ve been at work for an hour and a half and I already have a complaint. Why do the stupid service writers not answer there telephone pages??? So, I’m forced to answer and then when I do and put the guy on hold to ask the foreman if we can do the job (so not my job to be doing this) then she runs in as the hero and takes the call, books it and ignores me while I’m telling her I already spoke to that person. I mean, come on! Grrrr…so annoying.

Why does C find it absolutely necessary to call me incessantly during the day? I’m at work! Hello!!! And then leaves me voicemails saying he needs to speak to me right away about his dying uncle and then when I call him back, he ignores my calls? Arg.

Ok, *sigh* today I’m grateful for:

1. A friend of mine, whose going through a rough time, and even though I’m a bit upset with her, she finally had a good weekend and met a guy that made her feel like the beautiful person she is.

2. R finally got a long distance calling plan yesterday. After 6 months of me calling, it’s really nice for him to call me instead. Silly, but still makes me smile.

3. 5 more days until vacation!!!!!

4. I packed boxes yesterday. In one way it was hard to start putting my stuff away and splitting our lives apart, but in another it was the best form of therapy. It felt like a step in the right direction.

5. I found some ginger citrus hand cream from last year. I’m in love with this stuff and I swear if I could I’d walk around all day smelling my hands…mmmm….heaven!

Grateful

I was watching Oprah’s season 20 DVD’s last night. And the subject of a gratitude journal came up. I’m in a place where I really want to b*tch about the people in my office, but instead I’m going to list 5 things I’m grateful for today:

1. Payday yesterday and finally after over a year of struggling there have been a few pay cheques in succession that there is more money than bills instead of the other way around.
2. My holiday is coming up…5 more work days and then 9 days of holiday bliss!
3. Extra days off during Christmas – with pay! The GM came here today and told us we were going to close the offices on Dec. 24th & 27th. Yay!
4. A sunny day outside. No rain!
5. A good morning phone call from someone special, that made me happy and kept a smile on my face all day :)

Good weekend

This weekend was one of the best I've had in a long time! Friday night I went to R's house after I got off work. He was working OT, so I was alone. I was able to just relax, made a few cards, watched some TV, it was nice.

Saturday we did some shopping and errands, then he made me supper and bought me flowers :) To show his appreciation...so cute!

Sunday we took his 1 year old daughter out to a park to take some photos. She just turned 1 last weekend and he wanted 1 year pictures. We got some really great ones. I was playing around with my camera and took the pic above. I love how the light hits the water just right.

Vacation starts in 2 weeks...I can't wait!

Blah

I need a holiday...from life. I have the week off after Thanksgiving and I'm headed to my sisters house...I hope it gives the break I so desperately need.

C and I are still arguing daily. I'm starting to wear down. I don't have it in me to fight anymore with him. Usually this is the time I'd give in to whatever he wants just to make the fighting stop. Obviously I'm not going to do that, because that would mean staying, but I do want to not be at the house when he's there, turn off my cell phone and go hide out somewhere. ugh.

Nothing is really progressing at this time. He wants to take over the mortgage, he can have it, I don't care really. But until we pay down some bills or he gets the raise he's promised it's not going to happen. In the meantime, I'm not leaving with my name still on the mortgage.

Things with the new man are doing well. He's very sweet and protective of me. I'm headed to his place this weekend, it's been 2 weeks so I'm looking forward to the break. He's promised me a romantic relaxing weekend. And a visit with his 1 year old daughter. I'm looking forward to it.

Going Rogue...

My new wheels... 2010 Nissan Rogue

I'm picking it up tomorrow and I'm super excited! More to come...

Moving on...

Things are looking up.

I have a HUGE to-do list that makes my head spin when I think about it, but I'm working on it. Slowly but surely I'm going to do it. Because I'm that kind of girl. I get things accomplished and I persevere.

My SUV is over-miled, or will be in another month. I have 11 months left on my lease. And it's looking like I'm going to end up 30,000 kms or more over. Crap. So I'm probably going to trade it in early and finance the buy out. And buy the next one. No more leasing.

In the meantime with moving, changing my banking info, finding a place to go, packing and dealing with trying to pick out a new SUV, I need to get the old one new tires, a new windshield and yesterday a service and new headlights. I'm going to need a holiday once this is over. Yuck.

C and I argue daily. He's back to work however, so this is good news. He's out of the house and I can relax a bit. I found new tires on kijiji for my SUV yesterday, so hopefully that goes through. In 6 weeks I'll have moved out of my house, changed my banking over, bought a new vehicle and will be living a whole new life. It's crazy.

An overdue update - otherwise known as a very long post...

Where do I start? How do I tell the story that has unfolded so quickly in my life that nothing is the same as it was a few months ago?

Bottom line? I’m leaving Chris. There are some things that you can live with and others you can’t. I’ve reached my point where I can’t anymore. I can’t take the lies, the accusations, the fighting, the games, the stress anymore. I don’t want to be this person any longer.

Fault? I don’t care one way or the other. He’s crushed. I’m surviving. I just want out. I haven’t been happy for over a year. It seems things just keep getting worse and we keep pushing and fighting. And when I got to the point where I wanted changes, well, he didn’t take that too well. And giving up on my marriage only 2 years in? I hate it. I feel like I’m giving up.

But how long do you push and fight and try when you aren’t in love? When you don’t feel the things you should? When you realize that marrying that person was settling in the first place and you never should have compromised your beliefs and what you wanted in life…

I always knew that marrying Chris was settling and giving up. But when he treated me well and we got along, I figured that things would be ok. And that our life would be ok too. That his job taking him away for weeks at a time would allow me to continue to live and be happy in my life. However, things changed. He was laid off when things were so bad last year. And that gave me insight into a life that I didn’t choose and I didn’t want. I was able to see a glimpse into the future and it wasn’t something I wanted.

I realized that it would always be a battle. That we would always fight about money and I would always have to be the one telling him what to spend, what not to spend, how to act, what not to say, what was appropriate and inappropriate. And that he would never step up and support me or us when times were tough. He was ok sitting around for 10 months, me working, considering a second job just to pay the bills. I couldn’t rely on him when things got tough. I couldn’t rely that we would support me/us emotionally and financially when things were down. That there was no way I could have a baby and the family I want to so much, because he wouldn’t step up and make sure that we were ok. Because he couldn’t even step and make sure that our bills were paid and that we were ok when there was only the 2 of us. And without my job, we would have lost the house, the trucks, everything last year. And he was ok with me working 2 jobs and still coming home, cleaning the house, making supper, taking care of everything while he did nothing. In the meantime, treating me like crap.

So things changed for me. I told him I wasn’t happy. He ignored it and me. Until I told him I was leaving. Then he decided to make retribution. However, I’m at the point where I’ve moved on and it’s too little too late.

And I have moved on.

That’s the trouble. He knows a little of it. But that’s from hacking into my email, putting a key log on the computer, tracking me. The thing is, I wasn’t happy and I had decided to leave him before I moved on.

Where is this new thing going? No idea. How does he treat me? Like a princess. Like the way every woman wants to be treated. Like I’m special and important to him. Thing is, it’s not new. We met 4 years ago. Before I met Chris. And things were so good and then I got scared and backed off. He thought I was playing games and backed off too. The relationship didn’t develop, but we stayed friends, msn, and texting on birthdays for the past 4 years. I got married. He had a baby. He left his girlfriend. I’m leaving my husband.

Where are we now? Living life. We visit when we can. We are there for each other. We are in love. I’m happy. He’s happy.

I’m stuck in the house. I’m willing to give it to Chris, however, he has to take over the mortgage and likely he won’t qualify without my income. He refuses to sell it. He refuses to let me go. So we are still arguing. And I’m so very, very tired of it. I escape when he’s working and I hide out when he’s home.

All in all though, I’m very hopeful for the future. I hope for happiness. I believe in love. I believe in marriage. I hate the way my life has turned and the mess I’m in. But I see a light, it’s distant but I’m working through it.

And with any luck, maybe I can start smiling every day again.

Why?

Why do doctors have their nurses call you on a Friday at noon, tell you the doctor needs to see you to go over your test results, but no they don't have an appointment until Monday, and no, they can't tell you anything over the phone. But please have a good weekend...stressing out...

Weekend

This weekend has been so incredibly busy. Yesterday went into the city, met up with my friend Kathy and did some shopping. I really miss shopping. When Chris was working, I swear I went shopping every week. Even if it was only for a few thing or to scope out sales. I'm likely jumping the gun, as Chris starts the new job tomorrow, however, I didn't spend a lot and it was so nice to get out with women and just be. *bliss*

Today we dug up strawberry and raspberry plants. A friend of ours have a house up for sale in town (they live on a farm outside of the town now) and they were showing it today. In exchange for Chris doing some mowing (about 15 minutes worth) we were able to grab as many plants as we wanted. So, we dug.

The only issue is where to put the things. We really don't have much in the way of landscaping in the backyard just yet, so we put them in water, dug up a line of dirt and then got rained out.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow and Chris's first day at work. I'll post some yard pics soon. More to come...

bits and pieces

- Chris finally got his last pay cheque from the company that laid him off today. It's a seasonal layoff, but seriously, his last day was March 18th...sheesh. Funnily enough (is that even a word?) they told him they are going to try to call him in next week for a bit of shop work!

- While he was in the city, I sent him to a career fair. He was able to put out 8 resumes in person, so here's hoping...

- I'm working on a huge engine overhaul pre-authorization claim, it's a comparitive repair versus replace worksheet and it's way over my head. I'm waiting on the foreman or the service manager to help me out, but they are too busy...ugh, it's annoying me to no end.

- We still haven't recieved his EI payment. I'm starting to get really sick of living off of nothing and waiting for unemployment to kick in. I hope he finds a full time, non-seasonal, regular paying job soon.

- It's getting super nice out lately. I love how warm it is and sun-shiny! Although, wish I could spend more time out in it.

- Chris started a project on our front lawn. He is putting up a border, hauling in tons of dirt, leveling and planting grass. It looks like crap right now, but I'm excited to see how it turns out. We are hoping to build a deck this summer and a shed for the yard. We did a huge spring clean a few weeks ago so the house is in good shape, but the yard is in need of something. It's all brown, dirty, and yucky. The snow has finally melted all away.

loves

Every day I read this blog . You REALLY need to check it out, start here, the amazing story that will make you cry.

the big 2-8

Today is my birthday. I'm 28. I feel older somehow. But since I turned 25 I've felt like I'm on the downhill roll to 30.

I think part of my issues lately rely on the fact that I'm not exactly where I pictured myself to be at 28.

Overall, I'm happy, but I can't help but think that something is missing.

flirting

How much flirting is allowed when you are in a relationship?

When is it crossing the line?

When does it really just mean life and normal human interactions?

Can men and women really be friends?

Can 2 people that once dated, after a time, be friends? Talk regularly?

These things are on my mind today. And an ex that has resurfaced in my life....and on my phone.

confused

I need advice. I'm not sure how to proceed, or what to say or how to say it.

I'm not sure I really want to put into words the confusion that is around my head. It might make it worse that way.

It's like the old saying, if a tree falls in the middle of the forest and no one is around, does it still make a sound?

So, if I feel the way I feel and I have the thoughts that I have, if I keep them to myself, are they still bad?

I'll come back to it... I need more time to decide if I really want to go there. ugh.

today sucks

- chris is not working. Not sure if he is going to go back or if this is break up...let the waiting game begin...
- There was a screw up at the bank, and they don't have a deposit that we deposited, to the tune of $500. It really sucks when you go to pay for coffee and you are declined. Embarassing too. And now we are in the negative with no money. They said they hoped it would be fixed by the end of the day, so far I'm still waiting.
- Today is the 2 year anniversary of my uncle's passing. I'm thinking about him today. Miss him.
- I'm bored at work and cranky.
Enough said.

Bills and other Sunday stuff...

I hate paying bills. Really, honestly I do. I realize it's part of life, but I hate the process of watching all the outgoing money. I do it every pay day and I watch the numbers but don't really feel like we ever really get paid. The money comes in, it goes out, but it never stays for long. *Sigh* I'm thankful that for right now, even some at minimums, at least we can pay all our bills every month. But I don't have to like it.

Today's been quiet. I'm grateful, it sounds like some of my friends have had some insane weekends...

One friend called me last night and told me that when she got home from work on Friday, her front door had been kicked in! Someone broke into her house in broad daylight and stole her TV. Then she had to go back out later that night and on the way home, someone turned in-front of her and she smashed her car in! It wasn't her fault. Neither was, but what a way to end the week.

Found out that hubby's Aunt & Uncle from Nova Scotia are coming out in June to visit their daughter that lives a few hours from us. They are Chris's favorite relatives so that is good. But also found out the Uncle has changed and become more of an ass in his older years. Looking forward to that visit, lol.

I love how warm it is right now! I left my back door open all day and the dog has been running in and out of the house all afternoon. It's great!

Chris is doing a rig-move tonight. 6 hours normal drive - so basically all night, but he's closer to home again. Although, if precedent stands, in 3 days they'll end up in the Northwest Territories or something. Ha!

can't make my mind up

Spring Thaw - Darren Rice

I thought I had decided I was going to blog on blogger or on kcl, then I stopped all together for a while and although I kept on reading from time to time, I haven't written in months.

I got a new laptop from my hubby (yay!!!) so I'm hoping this means I'll be able to get back into it more often.

Break up is almost here, *sob* I'm freaked out and worried and I hate that after 10 months with Chris on unemployment and only 5 months working, here we are. Again. Ugh. It's so warm here, my backyard looks like a river let loose. And the mud. Yuck.

Chris is heading out tonight. I hate that he's leaving at 9pm to drive 9 hours alone to a jobsite. Wish we'd have known today so he could get some sleep.

Anyhow, off to read some blogs. More to come!