Weekend

This weekend went way too quickly!

Friday I took the afternoon off work and drove to RD to meet with the lawyer and sign over the mortgage.  It was ok.  Really it was.  The only part that got me was when it was over and everything was signed, he sat back in his chair and told me he was always sad to see a marriage end and he can't imagine the pain we are both in.  I teared up a bit, bit my lip, thanked him and got up and left. 

There was nothing to say. 

Saturday I did some shopping while R moved some of the garage stuff over.  I got him a few things for Father's day and an anniversary gift.  Today is our 1 year anniversary :)

Father's Day we celebrated relaxed style.  Chloe was dropped off, we did some errands, went to the farmers market, she gave him her gifts and we played.  I made supper and we watched a movie. 

R's procrastination came out.  I had no idea he had work to do and prep for this week, so at 9pm he started his work.  I went to bed to read and passed out around 10.  He didn't get to bed until closer to 11pm. 

He got up and left at 5am and he'll be away for the next 3 days.  This is the first time I've been alone at home with him away.  I've gone away for work but not him, so this might be interesting.  I do, however wish he was here for our anniversary today :(

There will be more.  We'll celebrate this one on Friday instead. 

Flowers from my sweetie showed up this morning around 10am, Awwww!

Either way this will be a busy week, as they all are for me now.  I have a new idea for advertising so I'm excited to look into pricing this morning and see :)

Happy Monday.

Angst

Today I'm a bit conflicted.

I sign over the house to my ex today.  Part of me is quite happy to have this over with and feels like I'm moving on, but part of me knows I'm going to cry on the drive home.  I try not to look back at my mistakes and feel sad or mad about them.  I could look back and think that time has been wasted or that the mistakes have been huge, but what's the point in that?  I'm not sure I would do things differently.  I might, but it's not like I can go back and change them so why focus on it??

I've been working very hard to clear up debt.  I have accumulated some because of my ex and although it makes me mad, again there is nothing I can do about it.  I have a line of credit that is because of him and it's high, but not completely un-manageable and with the money he is paying me (for his half) I should be able to wipe it out in a year or 2.  Then the only debt I have is my SUV.  That feels good. 

Today I'm saying goodbye to another (larger) piece of my old life.  I look at it in 3 big pieces, with, of course some smaller chunks mixed in there.  Piece #1 was moving out.  Piece #2 is signing over the house to him.  Piece #3 is the divorce. 

Funny how I chose this life and I AM happy, but I'm also a bit sad.  Part of me is leaving today.  It's so hard to explain.  The life I thought I was going to have is no more.  The house, the partner, the children...that life is gone.  I have a newer, better life and for that I am grateful, but I'm still a bit sad. 

I lived in that house for over 2 years.  Every curtain, dish, floor rug, shower curtain, photo on the wall was chosen by me and placed with care.  It was a home I loved.  A home I was proud to live in and invite people too.  I left half of it behind.  I took what mattered to me (and some of the best stuff :) ) and left the rest.  Today I sign on that line that that home is his.

Somewhere along the line, it went from a home to a house.  It's hard to pin point where things changed exactly, but they did.  In 5 months we will qualify for a divorce based on 1 year living apart.  We will file ourselves and split the cost.  There will be no lawyers, no alimony, no arguing. 

And once it's over with, no talking.  I will change my number, he doesn't know where I live and it will be done.  It's a long process. 

Today I will grieve however, just a little bit.  I will allow myself to be sad about the dreams that didn't materialize and the life that I imagined that I'm leaving behind today.  Because I believe that you have to live the moment before you can move on.  I'm not looking forward to today. 

Please send good thoughts my way today. 

Thank you friends.

The Art of the Backhanded Compliment

I have a co-worker who has mastered the art of the backhanded compliment.  You know, the one where you say thank you but then you are left wondering what it really meant...

"You're hair looks great today...you almost can't tell you need a haircut."

Excuse me?

That would be my co-worker.  The one who gets all worked up when I tell her that I think 'Pool Towel' is a terrible name for a candle scent.  I would think 'Pool Towel' would smell like chlorine and musty old towel.  But I digress.

I have a full office day today.  Yesterday I was in another Workers Compensation Course for a half day, then I was preparing for the Job Fair I've lined up for tomorrow.  The Job Fair is a full day, however, I'll only be working half of it.  I have a few scheduled meetings that I need to run so I can't be away the full day.  I was going to pass it onto my Health & Safety co-worker, but he gave notice on Monday. 

This means 2 things.  I have to fill in for him for some things until they hire someone else, which will be awhile and I have to sit with him soon (hopefully today) and basically write down all this information...login's, contacts, any pertinent information.  Fun. 

However, I am getting a bonus out of it.  My boss is buying me a Cricut!  I've wanted one for so long, but couldn't justify the cost.  Either way, hopefully it's here by the weekend :) 

Life is crazy.  The dog versus the house debate with the landlord has been settled, it will be fine.  An additional deposit, but otherwise fine.  I skipped dance class last night and had a nap on the couch instead, it was great. 

I'm ready for the weekend.  I need a break.  It's my 1 year anniversary with R on Monday and Father's Day on Sunday.  We'll have the baby on Sunday so I will get him a card and a small gift from her, although I have no idea what just yet.  For some reason I was thinking our anniversary was on Saturday, we might still go out and celebrate Saturday.  It's been one hell of a year :)

Over reacting

I have a tendency to jump the gun.  I have to work really hard at controlling my emotions and not freaking out about something and waiting to find out what is actually happening.  Some call it over reacting.  I prefer not too because of the image it portrays in my mind. 

I happened to notice something today that basically I shouldn't have.  Well not really, because as part of my job, it would have come to my attention sooner or later anyhow, but I've seen something that is unfair to me and I've worked really hard at it. 

I could be wrong and it could be in the process still, but it doesn't look like it.  It frustrated the hell out of me and I'll need to talk to my boss about a problem I'm going to have with her if what I saw today is actually true. 

I feel under valued and over worked.  And upset about it.

Randoms

- Tonight is an at home date night.  We've busted our butts for weeks and we need a fun relaxing night.  Pirates of the Caribbean movie marathon and Alfredo lasagna...mmmmm yum!
- We did a great job of unpacking.  The house looks great.  I'm thrilled with how close we are to being finished!  We even managed to get rid of a few things!!
- Will managers ever believe that someone on compensation is actually hurt?  It seems like every time someone gets hurt they immediately think it's faking.  It's tiring to have to babysit every comp case.  You know.  Just in case.
- I finally had a productive day today.  Been super hectic and never seem to have time to get to the smaller things on my list.
- I found out today that the Disability Management Course I signed up for on Wednesday is actually a full day course.  Dammit!  That is going to be dull!  And I don't really have time to use an entire day for it.  *sigh*
- It's raining today.  I don't actually mind, I like the rain.
- I found out the disability claim that I've been covering the position for is likely going to be denied.  That should be fun to tell the employee.  Not.  And further does that mean we can proceed and hire?  Because filling in for her sucks big time!

On the upside, I'm thrilled with how great the house is starting to look!!!  Pictures will come once it's all set up and more organized.   Followed by before and afters haha, we still have to paint...

Happy Monday!

Changes

Last night R went to talk to his ex about us.  We didn't really know what to expect so all in all (so far) it far exceeded our expectations.  She was upset that he didn't tell her sooner that he was dating and that she was finding out he was dating after he had moved in with someone.  I understand her feelings.  Thinking back, in hindsight he should have told her sooner, but it wasn't an easy situation.

Either way she knows now.  Part of it anyhow.  She got upset and cried (however R tells me that is her first reaction to everything, cry then talk it out, or get mad, or sad, or whatever).  She wants to meet me, which we expected.  He wants us all to be friends....never gonna happen!

I tried to explain to him that no matter what, she could under other circumstances be my best friend, but in these circumstances, it will never happen.  I hope for civility and consideration and go from there.  I'm pretty sure it will be this weekend so we'll see.  We are supposed to have the baby on Sunday (as per our usual).

She told him that starting in Sept. she wants him to take the baby on Saturdays.  Which I do NOT want to do.  It limits us in so many ways.  She won't let the baby stay over night (because she says the baby is not ready, but really his ex is not ready).  This means that if she won't let us have the baby for a weekend, we won't be able to travel together from Sept - Dec.  And although R doesn't really go further than a day trip, I do.  I like to take vacation time in the fall.  I say every other Saturday and then Sunday, alternate.  We'll see what happens.

I just hope she doesn't talk to a bunch of her man-hating friends and freak out worse after she thinks about it.  Ugh. 

Cranky

It's not enough that my everyday job is so super busy that occasionally I have to work overtime to catch up.  But now that I'm half covering payroll, well I'm much, much busier.  So busy in fact that I'm going to have to work late tonight just to get the super important things done today that should have been done weeks ago.  Great.  I don't overly mind.

What I do mind however, is a former friend of mine from our other location, giving me crap yesterday about a number on her paystub.  For sick days accrued.  It was wrong.  Yes.  It's wrong on most paystubs, however making sure that people actually get paid is my main focus.  Excuse me.  so yes, your personal day was denied, but are you more mad that I was the one that denied it, or that you've already used up more personal days this calendar year than you've accrued.  Why is that my fault?  I'm following the damn rules. 

So having her manager call and be rude to me after she was rude yesterday?  Well that pisses me off.  I'm ready for a break.  I need to book days off before I blow up.

R is going to talk to his ex tonight and tell her about me.  Partially anyhow.  That he is dating someone new and that we live together.  She is going to FREAK out.  I figured he should tell her before she shows up on Sunday to drop the baby off.  Should be interested.  I'm a bit worried she'll react wrong and not let him see the baby...I hope not. 

*sigh*